CHAPTER 9: Guide to Sex Toy Shopping
At this point, you have finally honed in on the sex toy you want to buy. You’re so close to infinite pleasure you can almost taste it. The only thing left to do is close the deal.
But it’s easier said than done. It’s not like you can buy that monster butt plug at Walmart — yet. Consider the shopping and purchasing part of your sex toy experience as foreplay. It’s a critical part of the process.
You don’t want to get scammed by a dubious online boutique that sticks you with a POS knock-off. You definitely don’t want the creepy sex toy shop experience with boarded up windows and a curtained porn room. You put a lot of thought in your sex toy. Buying it should be a pleasant, respectable experience.
The avenue you choose for ordering your sex toy will depend on your personality. I’ll walk you through the options and you can take it from there.
How Much Should A Sex Toy Cost?
There is one maxim that’s true as it gets: sex sells. What do you get when you combine this with the fact that the sex toy industry is unregulated?
A whole bunch of adult toy brands putting whatever they want in their toys and charging whatever they want for them. It’s a bummer, right? It makes the job for a responsible consumer extra challenging because expensive toys aren’t always high quality and vice versa.
For now we have to do our own research to find the toys that have fair price-to-quality ratios. When you shop for sex toys online or in person, keep these guidelines in mind.
Don’t judge a toy by its price. Judge a toy by its materials.
A lot of the well-known brands out there, which I won’t name here, charge up the ass for their vibrators. Once they land on your front porch, the disappointment begins (and doesn’t end until much later). The packaging looks so fancy it might be holding the Holy Grail. Once you get past the suave box and silk bag you’re asking yourself, did I pay for a high end sex toy or metallic gift-wrap?
A lot of these toys have underwhelming motors, excessive details, and short shelf life. But they look pretty from afar, if that’s what you were going for.
Look at the toy’s materials and check to make sure that they are safe and nonporous. If you’re unsure what this means, refer to Chapter 2. If the ingredients are medical-grade, that means they’re FDA approved and possibly worth the price.
You’ll start to pick up on a trend: some brands made of medical-grade materials are actually more affordable than popular brands. You can get a phenomenal vibrator with a powerful motor and medical-grade materials for as low as $15, no problem. Are you sure you want to drop $150 on that “luxury” toy?
See the toy at a sex toy shop or read the reviews.
Boxes are deceiving. You may read that the toy is high quality or phthalate free but remove the lid and discover nothing more than a rubber imposter. Similarly, some medical-grade toys are safe but can’t hold a vibe for shit. If you’re shopping at the sex toy shop, there should be models behind the desk to check out and feel for yourself.
Obviously you don’t get the same opportunity with an online sex toy shop. What you can do is scour the net for real toy reviews. Don’t just look at the Amazon reviews (which are often fake), but refer to sex blogs and forums. If a toy is a knockoff, unsafe, or downright crap, someone will be mad enough to write about it.
Search for loyal brands.
The easiest way to simplify the sex toy shopping is to find an adult toy brand that values safe materials and high quality. (Just make sure they aren’t fudging it.) Once you find a reliable brand, you know where to go for your second toy, and third, and fourth…
A lot of sex toy brands are run by individuals that have a genuine passion for safe sexuality and pleasure. Take Lyps, for example. They are on a mission to create the world’s most pleasurable sex toys, while promising medical-grade materials. Their online purchase process is easy and totally secure. Their G-spot vibrator is my number one gal and cost $14 on sale.
I’m not kidding. It makes those hundred-dollar options seem kind of ridiculous — because they are.
Shopping for Your Sex Toy: Online Sex Toy Shops
There are a lot of online retailers and boutiques that offer diverse toys and product info. Whenever you shop for sex toys online you run the risk of knock-offs. But a lot of major sellers won’t risk their reputation on trying to rip you off. Check out these sites: Babeland, Edenfantasies, Lovehoney, and Adam & Eve.
If you want to buy a dildo, hairdryer, and tool set at the same time, Amazon is your place. A lot of people warn that Amazon can be a sketchy way to buy sex toys. But if you’re careful of second and third party sellers that want to scam you, you’ll be fine. Check to make sure the seller is an approved Amazon store.
The benefit of online sex toy shopping is that you can ensure discreet shipping. You know, so you don’t have a box sitting out front with your name and Extreme Fetish Bondage Gear on it. You can find out if a company has a discreet shipping policy by clicking around its website, usually on the FAQ page.
By the way, don’t forget to clear your browser.
Shopping for Your Sex Toy: Finding The Best Sex Toy Shops
Maybe I’m a little old school, but I happen to love a good sex shop. I avoid the shady, cement ones that just say XXX on them. I’d like to have natural lighting and a cell phone signal when I’m doing my toy shopping, thanks.
Wandering the aisles with your partner is a perfect date night idea, by the way. You can’t beat the satisfaction of seeing a toy in person before you buy it. Plus you get the instant gratification of using it right away.
I avoid the shady, cement ones that just say XXX on them.
The best way to find the best sex toy shops near you is asking around trusted people in your circle. If you’ve got married friends, there’s a good chance they’ve visited a sex shop together. If you’re trying to be sneaky, search “sex shops” on Google Maps and do a good old-fashioned drive-by. If it looks okay to you, go right ahead.
- Regardless of where you do your shopping, do your research first. In other words, read this guide.
- Don’t buy the first toy you see. Our excitement can be blinding sometimes.
- Not all luxury toys are expensive.
- Not all expensive toys are high quality, like they promise.
- Many inexpensive toys are still high quality.
- Never buy a cheap toy with unsafe materials.
- Find a brand with a conscience to be loyal to.
Once you have your perfect sex toy, it’s time to learn how to use it to its fullest. Continue to Chapter 10: Sex Toy Tips And Juicy Masturbation Techniques