One of the best orgasms I ever had was thanks to my boyfriend’s vibrating beard trimmer. Now, before you judge me, hear me out.
He was on a business trip and I was enduring a spell of lusty desperation. My vibrator circa 2002 was out of commission and I graduated from finger masturbation before I hit high school. So when I was rummaging the bathroom cabinet in search of lube and came across his trimmer, voila! Instant orgasm machine.
I lit a candle or two, plugged it in, and placed the vibrating, smooth end of the tool right on my clit. You can probably guess the rest – it involved a wicked hot orgasm and a super happy boyfriend once I told him where his beard trimmer had been.
The moral of the story is, it’s not hard at all to get creative, or reach new levels of orgasm that you may have never thought possible. Try out these five extra dirty tips and transform your mediocre, vanilla orgasms into explosive and delicious pleasure every girl deserves.
1. External Stimuli: Who Said Porn Was Just For Guys?
Scooch over, boys, women wanna watch porn too. While different stereotypes ascribe men as the porn fiends, data paints a bit of a different picture.
According to research, more than a third of women watch porn regularly. And by regularly, I mean once a week. (You go girls!)
Two-thirds of these women indulge in their porn sessions alone, and over half believe it has worked wonders on their sexuality.
The numbers just confirm something that we already know – the importance of mentality during sexual activity. The more aroused you are, the more likely you will have an epic orgasm.
When you’re masturbating, you already have the physical stimulation covered. To get an off the charts orgasm, you need to maximize your mental stimuli. It’s like the aphrodisiac effect of a wicked-hot fantasy while you’re touching yourself. But porn takes the effort out of fantasizing by putting the fantasy right before your eyes.
Search for porn that plays out your deepest fantasies or find a clip that demonstrates something completely new to you. (Bi-threesome? Anal sex? The options are endless.) Novelty gets us aroused faster than anything else, hence the excitement of sleeping with a new partner. Search the categories on your porn site and see what makes you tingle. Start there.
While you’re watching porn, touch yourself slowly with light stimulation. Your body will probably get turned on a lot faster, so you’ll want to slow down your climax for two reasons. One, because a delayed orgasm is a better orgasm 99% of the time. Two, because you don’t want to come before the best part of the movie.
Using porn might make you feel extra dirty – success! If that dirtiness evolves towards guilt, stop yourself. You can absolutely watch porn responsibly and without turning into a porn-addicted hermit with a hand cramp. So long as watching porn doesn’t replace your responsibilities and commitments, you’re safe.
If porn feels like too big of a step, start by reading a little erotica online. Using erotica (XXX stories) while you masturbate supplies you a fantasy to read while you touch yourself. It basically serves the same function as porn, but might feel a little more approachable to you.
Same as porn, you can search for story lines, fetishes, and kinks that you’re curious about. Don’t be shy – let your dark and twisty side out to play.
2. Find Your G-Spot.. Then Add The “U-Spot”
Most women have heard of the infamous G-spot. But tragically few know where to find it and are missing out huge. Ladies, this is like having the winning lottery ticket in your back pocket and never cashing it in!
The G-spot is located about 2-3 inches inside your vagina on the front wall. If that means nothing to you, then let’s try a little interactive learning. Slide your hand down your stomach towards your pubic area and keep going until you can slide your middle finger into your pussy. Now, with your finger inside, make the “come here” gesture. The wall that your finger hits is the front wall, and your G-spot will feel sort of ribbed (like the roof of your mouth but softer).
Play with different positions and pressures until you feel stimulation. You’ll know you’ve found the G-spot when a warm, shockingly intense sensation ripples through your whole body in that “you have to stop, but don’t fucking stop” kind of way. It might take a little work and commitment, but take the damn time to find your G-spot! (I may be living off of M&M’s and Kombucha but I invested in my G-spot so at least I’m sexually loaded.)
If you’re already a skilled G-spot expert, then here’s one you maybe haven’t heard of: the “U-spot.” The U-spot is the smooth area between your urethra (located just before the vaginal opening) and clit.
Once you’re already turned on, rub up and down between your clit and U-spot. Tease yourself a little bit, stroking slowly for longer than you want to. Then start to change the speed and rhythm. Try rubbing the area in a triangle shape, going from the left side of your U-spot, up to your clit, then down to the right side of your clit, and back up to your clit again.
As soon as I started involving the U-spot while I touched myself I felt the pleasure of new, uncharted territory. What are you waiting for?
3. Sit Still, Look Pretty (And Cross Leg Masturbate)
We’ve been told for ages to cross our legs and behave like a lady. Well, joke’s on them because we’ve been getting ourselves off the whole time! Cross leg masturbation is an unconventional way to diddle the skittle hands-free (in some countries it’s considered a rare super power). Sitting in a chair, with your legs crossed high and tight, bounce your top leg up and down. Play with a tempo that brings the most stimulation. I find that squeezing and pulsing my inner thighs helps put more pressure on the clit.
Crossed leg masturbation frees up your hands to fondle your breasts or other sensual parts of your body. If it’s not happening for you right away, don’t fret. Start with one hand on your clit, then cross your legs and start bouncing. If you’re a real thrill-seeker, try cross leg masturbation in public, like on the bus or at the DMV. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to work on your poker face.
4. Talk Dirty to Yourself, You Naughty Little Girl
If there’s anybody who should know how to turn you on, it’s you! When you touch yourself, you’re in the driver’s seat. You call the shots. Because no one is watching (unless you’re into that), you don’t have to worry about insecurities or judgment, which is exactly why dirty talk masturbation is such an orgasm-amplifier.
Dirty talk ups the ante on an average masturbation experience. When you hear yourself drop dirty lines like, “I love touching your dripping wet pussy”, it’s virtually impossible not to get a little more turned on. You become the seducer and the seduced.
It’s best to try dirty talking with yourself as though you are hooking up with someone else. In other words, speak to yourself in second person. Or, try talking to your pussy like it’s a girl (“You like it when I tease your clit, don’t you? I’m gonna make you beg for it”). Here are some other examples. Read them out loud to see how it feels! Unless you’re in the office, then save it for later.
Beginner (if dirty talk is new or scary to you):
“That feels so amazing,”
“Keep touching me like that, don’t stop,”
Intermediate (you love the idea, but are sort of inexperienced):
“I want to make you cum so hard,”
“You have such a perfect, pretty little pussy,”
Expert (dirty talk is your native language):
“I’m going to fuck your pussy until you scream”
“You’ve been a bad girl and need to be punished”
5. Three Vibrators, Triple the Fun
Vibrators are the nectar of life. They are the true heroes in our fairy tales. But unfortunately, we can get a little hooked on our masturbation routine à la vibrator.
To keep orgasms fresh and delightful, switch up the way you use your vibrator. Even better, invite a second vibrator to the mix. Well, at this point you might as well make it a threesome. Like they say, the more the merrier. (They were talking about vibrators, right?)
It doesn’t matter whether you know how to use a vibrator or not, these tips will teach you how to bump (or hump) your relationship with vibrators to the next level.
- Tickle your clit with a small vibrator and use a long vibrator to reach your G-spot. Orgasms caused by both clitoral and G-spot stimulation are hands-down the yummiest.
- You might want to sit down for this one: some battery-operated boyfriends stimulate your clit and G-spot at the same time! The Lyps Iris does the deed quite nicely: four vibration patterns and two different speeds. I don’t do math but that’s plenty of combinations for me.
- Use one penetrating vibrator to stimulate your G-spot, one on your clit, and hold one in your hand to tease your nipples.
- For extra stimulation and curious minds: use a vibrator on your clit, in your pussy, and in your ass. Hello face-numbing orgasm.
- Play with your vibrators in front of a mirror while trying dirty positions. Try being on all fours with your ass facing the mirror. Or, spread your legs really wide so it’s all out on display – go on, see how sexy you are!
Instead of going for the gold right away, tease yourself with the vibrator, rubbing it up and down your sides and inner thighs. Build up the sexual tension for as long as possible, even longer than you want to, for gold metal, Olympic-style orgasms.
Go and Get Em’ Girl!
Isn’t it a blissful feeling to know that you’re about to have the best orgasms you’ve ever had in your life?
Remember that the crazier and more provocative you are willing to get, the more likely you’re going to orgasm, hard. But it’s not all about being racy. Sometimes, just taking the time to find new pleasure points or taking the money to invest in fabulous toys will give you the sexual awakening you positively deserve. These female masturbation tips are the perfect way to begin experimenting. My takeaway for you – try multiple tips at once. (Sitting on the washer during the spin cycle, playing with three vibrators and dirty talking myself? Sounds like the perfect date night.)
If you learned something new, or if you know someone who would love trying out the tips in this article… Share it with them! And if you have an especially dirty technique we missed, please leave a comment below. We’d love to hear about it.